December 27, 2013 by mybattlebuddyfitness
When Hernan Cortes reached the New World, to ‘conquer it’, to reap the riches of gold and silver of the vast and powerful Aztec empire, he had to find a new way to motivate his men. His army was small, only 600 some odd men, and they were preparing to take on an entire civilization. So how did he get them to focus on the task at hand, to not look backwards, but to only look forwards? He burned his ships. There was no retreat possible, they had to move forward, to be successful or they would suffer defeat and death. I guess when you leave yourself with no way out, you find your way forward.
It has been a couple of years since I started on this change journey in earnest, changes to my diet, changes to my exercise, changes to my lifestyle. I have progressed from a non-runner to the successful completion of 2 half marathons. I have gone from a very carb heavy, processed food rich diet to a largely clean, whole food diet. I’ve watched my body transform, building up muscles in places I didn’t know I could get muscles.
And I have lost weight. I have dropped down about 2 clothing sizes. But when I look at myself in the mirror, I just don’t see it. Other people see it, they call me a hobo when I put on my old clothes. I want to see myself differently, but it is hard, very hard. You see yourself in the mirror every day for years and years and years looking a certain way, and it is hard to erase that image.
And there is fear, fear that I might slip, I might fall backwards and I might need those old clothes. I was a size 12 for so long, I have only been this size for a little less than a year. 2 years doesn’t feel like a long time relative to the 10+ years of being a size 12. I would hate to give those clothes away and then find myself having to buy new clothes all over again when I regain the weight.
Over the holidays I went shopping, and I consistently found that I was wearing my new clothing size. No matter what I tried on, so long as I chose my ‘right’ size, it fit. And it felt good. Really good. It was so hard to believe, I mean I have been looking to get to this size for as long as I can remember, and now I see that I am this way.
Me, thinking that I am going to regain the weight, that’s quitter talk. Keeping those clothes, that’s quitter mentality. Always forward progress, right?
So I decided to burn the ships. I spent the last 24 hours pulling all of the clothes out of my closet that are now too big for me. I had clothes that I had been hanging on to since my mid-20s. Relics of the past that should have been abandoned a long time ago. And today I took all of those clothes over to Goodwill, never to be seen nor worn by me again.
I can only go onwards, press forward to conquer myself, to make myself into the best version of myself, day by day.
It’s a new world, my new world. Onward to the new year!